I have really been trying to trust where life is taking me lately, and so far it has turned out pretty good. I mean this cycle worked and I'm really pregnant. My 3rd Beta came back at 681 and my 4th at 1730. Daron and I are starting to get really excited. Our first ultrasound is next Monday, January 9th, we are both excited to get a look at this baby or babies and find out how many we have! We are also looking forward to the possibility of hearing a heartbeat when we go.
My Reiki healer told me I needed to practice being a magnet because I have think about the things I want and think good thoughts to things will be drawn to me and good things will come my way. In an odd sort of way I think its working. I definitely have to say that life works in mysterious ways. Since shortly after I started my job, working as a computer programmer for a small company that creates real estate tax software, I have hated it. I mean I love it because its flexible and close to home, and I really couldn't find an easier company to work for. I hate it though, I hate it because I don't like sitting at a computer all day, I don't like programming as a full time job. I planned on officially going part time once the baby/babies were born. It looks like that won't be an issue now because Jan. 14th is my last day due to the company running out of money and deciding to sell everything off instead of trying to keep it running.
I am actually looking at this as a good thing, like a kick in the butt saying "This isn't what you are supposed to be doing!" Now I just have to continue trusting that life will help point me in the right direction. There are so many things I have thought about doing, and I just know that something will fall into place. In the time being, I'm a little scared, I mean here we are just having spent thousands of dollars to get pregnant and now I'm completely out of a job, in debt and possibly pregnant with multiples. While I am thankful for everything that has happened and trying to trust that things are going to turn out OK, life really could have spread things out a little, it didn't have to change everything at once.
So I guess New Year, New Life, in more ways than one. Thats Life!
Showing posts with label Reiki. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reiki. Show all posts
Impatience, Annoyances, and Insurance Companies
Thursday, December 1, 2011
This is more than likely going to be a fairly long and somewhat random post, just to warn everyone.
I am incredibly impatient for tomorrow's appointment. Last cycle I was definitely feeling bloated and heavy by the time I had my first u/s, and this time I don't really feel anything (other than a headache and a stiff neck from the meds). Daron says I look bloated and I guess I do look a little bit but I certainly don't feel it. I am really nervous that I am going to go in tomorrow and have almost nothing to show for 5.5 days of stimming. I know that based on my last cycle that probably won't be the case but I just don't feel anything going on in there so am kind of worried there isn't anything going on in there. I did feel some heaviness during my Reiki yesterday that I am hoping was a signal there is at least something going on.
I really just want this cycle to be over already, I can tell that no break to speak of has really taken a toll on my body and my emotions and I just want to be done for awhile. It is really out of my hands whether it works or not and either way I know I won't be having to shoot myself up 3 times a day anymore with hormones that make me feel like shit. Don't get me wrong, I know that if I get pregnant I could possibly feel like shit, but as crazy as it sounds to some of you, I would without a doubt taking morning sickness over anything these shots do to me. At least with morning sickness and all of the other issues that can come with pregnancy I will know I have a baby growing. Right now I really don't know anything, and even once I know how many eggs I have growing we still have no idea whether those will become babies.
Now for the first random change of topics. Awhile ago I posted This with a link to an article on infertility etiquette. I realize people just don't understand how to deal with infertility sometimes, but seriously the things people say sometimes are so inconsiderate. I mean come on, I have been asked why I am doing IVF, when I should just be using a turkey baster. Seriously? Well first of all a 0 sperm count doesn't really allow that, what don't people understand about that? Its also really annoying when people expect you to be constantly happy and excited about what you are doing. Ok yes trying to conceive is exciting, when it can happen naturally and when your life doesn't become consumed by it. I'm not saying that I'm not excited and happy about the getting pregnant, that parts awesome! Really though, I'm not happy about sticking myself 3 times a day to get there, and I'm not happy Daron had to go through a surgery to slice open his balls to get there. I'm excited to see how many eggs we get and to see how we are progressing but I'm not happy or excited to go in every other day and have my privates invaded by an ultrasound wand when I don't get to see a baby on the screen. And I'm not excited that I get to be put under and have a needle stuck into my ovaries to retrieve eggs from me! I want to see those people who expect us to be happy and excited about this process all the time go through it themselves because I don't think they would feel that way anymore. Sometimes the stress and the hormones just get to you.
The worst in my opinion though is when people ask about how much an IVF cycle costs and then go on to say oh well get used to it kids are expensive. NO SHIT kids are expensive I was prepared for that! We bought a house we can afford, we both have decent paying jobs, we live within our means and are able to save money from every pay check. We thought about all of that before trying to have a baby. Most people though don't have to start paying for their children until after they are pregnant! Most people don't have to try to decide whether A home equity line of credit is an option to pay for getting pregnant, because the people that tell you kids are expensive are the ones who can have them for free. They don't have to worry whether the cost of conceiving their children is going to affect their ability to afford raising those children. They don't have to worry whether one more cycle is going to put them too far into debt to be able to afford food and care for their children. For them this part is free! So no shit kids are expensive but really that doesn't have anything to do with this, because for fertile couples conceiving them is free!
Enough ranting for now :). On to the next random topic of insurance companies. For once I called our insurance company and someone was helpful. Insurance Administrator is notorious for not being helpful and for not knowing what they are talking about. Even Billing departments hate dealing with them, because they never seem to have answers or care about getting things done in a timely manner. I think there are multiple times we have been told by a billing department that our Insurance administrator is the worst company they have ever dealt with. Needless to say I was amazed when I not only got someone who knew what they were talking about but that they also were willing to do what they could to help me!
My last egg retrieval was October 3rd. I realize part of the issue is the fertility clinic since they didn't get the claims submitted until the 1st or 2nd week of November. However, the clinic has called the insurance company several times from what I understand to let them know these things need to be processed in order for them to draw up our financial documents with insurance coverage included. If they are not processed we will have to self-pay this cycle and get everything straightened out later. The woman I talked to today though was very helpful in telling me where my claims are currently at and that she would add a note to them to be processed rush and that they needed to be done and paid by December 8th. Not that we will have any insurance coverage left after our last cycle, but it would at least be nice to know for sure! So for the first time in awhile I think our insurance administrator is actually on my good side(even though they still can't tell me for sure what claims apply to my fertility maximum).
I am amazed if any of you stayed with me through the end of this post and I'm sorry for all the ranting, but hey its better than punching someone right? :)
I am incredibly impatient for tomorrow's appointment. Last cycle I was definitely feeling bloated and heavy by the time I had my first u/s, and this time I don't really feel anything (other than a headache and a stiff neck from the meds). Daron says I look bloated and I guess I do look a little bit but I certainly don't feel it. I am really nervous that I am going to go in tomorrow and have almost nothing to show for 5.5 days of stimming. I know that based on my last cycle that probably won't be the case but I just don't feel anything going on in there so am kind of worried there isn't anything going on in there. I did feel some heaviness during my Reiki yesterday that I am hoping was a signal there is at least something going on.
I really just want this cycle to be over already, I can tell that no break to speak of has really taken a toll on my body and my emotions and I just want to be done for awhile. It is really out of my hands whether it works or not and either way I know I won't be having to shoot myself up 3 times a day anymore with hormones that make me feel like shit. Don't get me wrong, I know that if I get pregnant I could possibly feel like shit, but as crazy as it sounds to some of you, I would without a doubt taking morning sickness over anything these shots do to me. At least with morning sickness and all of the other issues that can come with pregnancy I will know I have a baby growing. Right now I really don't know anything, and even once I know how many eggs I have growing we still have no idea whether those will become babies.
Now for the first random change of topics. Awhile ago I posted This with a link to an article on infertility etiquette. I realize people just don't understand how to deal with infertility sometimes, but seriously the things people say sometimes are so inconsiderate. I mean come on, I have been asked why I am doing IVF, when I should just be using a turkey baster. Seriously? Well first of all a 0 sperm count doesn't really allow that, what don't people understand about that? Its also really annoying when people expect you to be constantly happy and excited about what you are doing. Ok yes trying to conceive is exciting, when it can happen naturally and when your life doesn't become consumed by it. I'm not saying that I'm not excited and happy about the getting pregnant, that parts awesome! Really though, I'm not happy about sticking myself 3 times a day to get there, and I'm not happy Daron had to go through a surgery to slice open his balls to get there. I'm excited to see how many eggs we get and to see how we are progressing but I'm not happy or excited to go in every other day and have my privates invaded by an ultrasound wand when I don't get to see a baby on the screen. And I'm not excited that I get to be put under and have a needle stuck into my ovaries to retrieve eggs from me! I want to see those people who expect us to be happy and excited about this process all the time go through it themselves because I don't think they would feel that way anymore. Sometimes the stress and the hormones just get to you.
The worst in my opinion though is when people ask about how much an IVF cycle costs and then go on to say oh well get used to it kids are expensive. NO SHIT kids are expensive I was prepared for that! We bought a house we can afford, we both have decent paying jobs, we live within our means and are able to save money from every pay check. We thought about all of that before trying to have a baby. Most people though don't have to start paying for their children until after they are pregnant! Most people don't have to try to decide whether A home equity line of credit is an option to pay for getting pregnant, because the people that tell you kids are expensive are the ones who can have them for free. They don't have to worry whether the cost of conceiving their children is going to affect their ability to afford raising those children. They don't have to worry whether one more cycle is going to put them too far into debt to be able to afford food and care for their children. For them this part is free! So no shit kids are expensive but really that doesn't have anything to do with this, because for fertile couples conceiving them is free!
Enough ranting for now :). On to the next random topic of insurance companies. For once I called our insurance company and someone was helpful. Insurance Administrator is notorious for not being helpful and for not knowing what they are talking about. Even Billing departments hate dealing with them, because they never seem to have answers or care about getting things done in a timely manner. I think there are multiple times we have been told by a billing department that our Insurance administrator is the worst company they have ever dealt with. Needless to say I was amazed when I not only got someone who knew what they were talking about but that they also were willing to do what they could to help me!
My last egg retrieval was October 3rd. I realize part of the issue is the fertility clinic since they didn't get the claims submitted until the 1st or 2nd week of November. However, the clinic has called the insurance company several times from what I understand to let them know these things need to be processed in order for them to draw up our financial documents with insurance coverage included. If they are not processed we will have to self-pay this cycle and get everything straightened out later. The woman I talked to today though was very helpful in telling me where my claims are currently at and that she would add a note to them to be processed rush and that they needed to be done and paid by December 8th. Not that we will have any insurance coverage left after our last cycle, but it would at least be nice to know for sure! So for the first time in awhile I think our insurance administrator is actually on my good side(even though they still can't tell me for sure what claims apply to my fertility maximum).
I am amazed if any of you stayed with me through the end of this post and I'm sorry for all the ranting, but hey its better than punching someone right? :)
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