I haven't had the urge to write much lately. Maybe it's because my brain was too busy with taking care of a baby and now a toddler. Maybe its because I've been generally happy and content with the way life has been for the last few years. Maybe I have just become better at putting my thoughts into words without having to put them on paper first. Whatever the reason, the urge to write is back(at least temporarily) and my brain is wanting me to spew my thoughts and feelings onto paper again. Who knows how long it will last. Maybe I'm just feeling emotional after finding this poem I wrote somewhere near the beginning of my relationship with Daron(Almost 10 years ago). Honestly what better time is there to share this than shortly after celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary.
Floating Thoughts
Part I Love and Reassurance
I need to understand, what's going through my head, I know that you are everything to me, But I need to understand that I am everything to you. There is so much in my mind, Floating threads of thought, Unseen pain and hurt. I don't even know myself, I am lost within my own mind. How do you expect me to know you so well? All I know is that there is a love inside of me; It makes me miss you when you're gone; It makes me want you by my side. It makes me do things I'd never do And when you hold me, all I know is that There is something different about your touch. I never felt this way before But right now, I need you to show me That I mean as much to you as you mean to me. I need to know that you will be there, That you'll be by my side in the worst of times. I need to know that I'll be the one you can tell The secrets living deep inside of you. I need to know you'll tell me everything. I want to know you inside out, I want to know everything And most of all I want to feel secure. I know that I am the most beautiful to you. I know that I'll always be amazing to you, That you don't need anything else Or anyone else to make you feel the way I do. I know that I'll be your only one I'll be your only one in every way, And deep inside I know That nothing can change your mind.Part II Against all Odds and Thoughts
I don't care what people say about us. I know exactly what you are to me. I know that with what we have We can make it forever. Til death do us part, is more than just words; We will take it to heart. I have faith in our strength and in our souls. We have made it through rough times, Made it through tough times and Survived it all, to tell the tale We're still happy together. I know it won't be easy, But I'm pretty sure, I know more than people think I know that this will be work, and it doesn't come easy You know it can't just be simple; We both have to try, No matter what people think and say. They may look and scorn what we're doing. They say we're too young... They say we don't know, Don't know what love is, or what it means. They say it’s too soon And college is too much of a stress, But I beg to differ on their major points. We may be young, but we have seen more than they think. They think we don't know, There is more to us than meets the eye. We don't know what love is? Tell me who decides the answer to that. College is too much of a stress? We're willing to try, to give it a shot. We try to make it work, so it isn't so hard I know in my heart and deep down in my soul We will be together til death do us part. We will make it to the end and then, I will look at you and we will know We made it against all the odds, because we struggle; for us. We worked hard for this, and in the end We can turn to face them and laugh; At their sad view of what this life takes to live At their sad view of what it takes for two people, To be together until the ends of their lives.Part III Us
At the end of the day nothing else matters Because the best part of the day is when we make each other smile. It fills my heart with joy to hear you laugh, And at night I feel at peace when I fall asleep in your arms. When I disappoint you it crushes my soul, When I hurt you it makes me hurt even more. Through everything, the good and the bad, we stand side by side Ready to take on the world hand in hand. We fight, but the love and caring is never gone; Even as we yell, the words fall on a caring heart. As one cries so will the other, For the hurt is one that we both feel. Your happiness is mine and mine is yours. Your sadness is mine and mine is yours. If there is nothing left in this world, we will have each other. People see on the outside, uncaring people Barely showing the emotion that they hold inside. They see a man who works hard for what he has. The see a girl trying to make her way in life. What they don't see are the things the two share, The connection between us that never wavers. Even in the hardest times there is still something there, Something holding us together. When I see the man sitting cross-legged on the floor I know that is the man I love. When I see the man who gets up early every morning To make money so we can have a good life I know that is the man I love. While I sit reading or typing, Watching out of the corner of my eye and thinking to myself "That man means everything to me". I know that when everything else is gone, When no one remains for us to turn to, I still won't be alone; because there will still be Us.While it was probably 9 years ago that I wrote this, most of it still rings true. We have been through more in our relationship than many people know or realize. We survived 2 years apart, and infertility among a host of other things. I still love this man more than I can even believe some days. We still fight on occasion, and we still drive each other crazy sometimes. We have been there for each other in good times and in bad. We have cared for and said our goodbyes to loved ones and we have welcomed a daughter into the world. We have been each others support on sleepless worried night, and been the steady strength the other needs. We have hurt each other badly and we have moved past and tried to forgive. We have changed and grown. We have become parents. It certainly hasn't been easy but then I never thought it would. I am thankful for everything we have been through and in all the ways we have grown. I look forward to many more years with a man who still amazes me from day to day. A man who has turned into the wonderful father I always knew he would be.
Thank you Daron for standing by me, loving me, and challenging me when I need to be challenged.
