Almost 4 months old

Its true I probably could have found the time to post something a whole lot sooner, but I find it so much more worthwhile to soak up the time with my little girl. I finally found a job that I truly enjoy doing. I admit some days its hard and some days its frustrating, but every single day is rewarding. In the first few weeks I don't think I can even count how many hours I spent just staring at my daughter watching her expressions change as she slept. Smiling at the amazing sleep smiles she constantly had. At 5 weeks to get a first real smile from her by playing with her tongue. Watching as she learns about this new environment she is in. I expected to have a connection with my baby and I expected to love my baby, but I really never knew that I would be able to love this little person so much and be willing to give my life for her the instant I met her. I still look at her every day unbelieving of the fact that Daron and I made this little person, and that this amazing baby girl is what I grew inside of me for 9 months. I still have days where I can't believe she is really mine, she is such a miracle.

The last 4 months have just flown by. I did end up in the hospital for 3 days at the end of September with gallbladder issue and had to have it removed. The staff was awesome about Ella rooming in with me and so supportive of helping me any way they could with keeping breastfeeding going while I was there. Shortly after being released I ended up with a mild case of mastitis, luckily I got it taken care of quickly with a garlic regimen (yes I definitely stunk like garlic for a few days!). Other than that things have gone fairly smoothly.

I think it helps when you don't have a set picture of how things are supposed to go, because as with everything else in life I believe that as a parent you just have to go with the flow sometimes. I am so lucky to have the awesome support system that I do and an absolutely amazing husband. We got an arms reach cosleeper from a friend that we had planned on using, that idea was out the window by the time Ella was 2 days old. 15 minutes of sleep at a time was not going to work for Ella or I, so she came into bed with me and we have been bedsharing ever since. That wonderful husband I mentioned earlier slept on the couch and/or guestroom for the first 3 months so we could have the bed to ourselves. Contrary to what many would believe we did still find time to have adult time as well. Now that things have settled down a bit at night and we have gotten the hang of nursing in the dark Daron is sleeping with us again (I really missed having a big warm body in bed with me). The cosleeper makes a great diaper changing station and general stuff holder at night, but really hasn't been good for much more than that. I am absolutely loving bedsharing, especially now that she has learned to latch herself on at night because I just wake up enough to make sure she has a good latch and then go back to sleep. Occasionally I will even sleep through her latching herself lately and not wake up until she unlatches and snuggles up to me again.

I love our nursing relationship. Don't get me wrong the really little newborn stage was hell sometimes when I felt like I was constantly attached to her, when she would eat for an hour and then 20-40 minutes later be ready to eat again. She has been a good eater since birth, that initial weight that most newborns lose never happened for her. 5 days after birth she had already gained 6 oz. Now at almost 4 months she has more than doubled her birth weight and is up to 13 lbs. I love snuggling with her when she eats and I love the way she just stares at me sometimes while she eats. The best though is a great big grin with a mouthful of boob. I love that I don't have to worry about bottles and can easily nurse while walking around a store(except now shes gets distracted easily). I find it absolutely amazing that my body is still able to completely sustain this little life.

And now I think I have been sitting here writing with a sleeping baby in my arms long enough and that I should go get some sleep myself. I will leave you all with some pictures of the little girl that has blessed my life with her beautiful smiles. I most definitely love her with all of my heart. Sorry about picture placement being funky I didn't feel like messing with the html to get it to look good.

\